Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"You Suck" Necklaces: Every Mom's Dream!



Dear Claire’s:

You used to be such a cute little store. Earrings, scarves, keychains, fun pens, glittery journals. I used to like you, really I did. I even bought a charm at your store for my cell phone. It’s a super-cute, pink Eiffel Tower, in honor of my love of all things French, like St. Therese of Lisieux. She’s…well…after my visit to your store today, I don’t think you know who she is.


When people ask me where I got the phone charm, I’d say “Claire’s” with a smile. I guess I wanted to help you out. Not that you need my help, or even want it, but I wasn’t ashamed to tell people I bought something at your store.

Now I am.

See the picture above? It’s from your “vampire” display. Yeah, super cute.


But what’s even cuter? “You Suck” necklaces. Wow. I mean, it’s a mother’s dream come true, to have her little darling wearing that around her neck. Because it’s really classy to tell people you meet that they suck. And it’s especially classy coming from a ten-year-old girl. It would be perfect to wear to church or Grandma's birthday party. Or school, you know, if you didn't like your teacher. And for class photos! A mantel masterpiece. Niiiiiice.

I suppose you think it’s hip, you know, sort of exerting that “I’m female, I’m tough, you can’t tell me what to do” attitude. Oh please. It’s pathetic.

A twelve-year-old kid I know saw the necklace and said, “That’s just stupid. I mean, what is it supposed to mean? It’s not even funny.”

Claire’s, that’s your target audience right there. Take note. Nobody’s buying into your “I’m a tough girl and ain’t nobody gonna mess with me” mantra. You’ve failed miserably with the “You Suck” necklaces.

You see, I write books for pre-teens, books that encourage kids to grow up with morals and modesty, a wholesome childhood. Stores like you are trying to take that away from them. Many of my readers are girls who shop at your store. And I’m pretty darned protective of them. So you can see why I get a little angry about stores that want to sell them trash like this. You can see that, right?

Oh, and Claire’s?

One more thing.

You su—oh, forget it.

I’m not going to stoop to your level. That's your word, not mine.

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